The 100 pound journey!

Where to start…this is a post that I think I knew was coming…but wasn’t quite sure what I was going to share & not share. I know my journey is not unlike many others and it is a story of healing and hope….maybe it was part of why I have been silent for a few weeks on the blog.

Rewind to about 1 1/2 years ago. I was terribly unhappy with so many things. Where I was in life was not where I wanted to be. So many things were spiraling out of control and I had no way to stop them. No matter what decisions I made I was NOT going to be able to please everyone…no matter what I did it was going to be a tough journey of really hard choices, of closures & new doors opening, new friends & friendships broken, a path of self discovery and healing. Looking back I now know that all those really painful steps led me to today. I am still healing, growing inside, shrinking on the outside and trying to find just where my journey is leading me, but I am so much HAPPIER.

Decision #1 had to start with ME! I had to get healthier. I was 120 lbs overweight. I had been struggling with my weight for a little over 10 years from just 10-20 lbs overweight after the birth of my now 17 yr old daughter. Then pretty soon it was 50 lbs overweight…I kept thinking that wasn’t too bad…I could lose that. Then when it was 75 lbs and it seemed so impossible. Pretty soon I was staring at 120 lbs of weight that was holding me back physically and emotionally. My highest 276 lbs…

So I had a decision to make…let the weight rule my life…or take my life back 1 pound at a time. I knew I was beyond doing this on my own, decisions and choices I had been making for the last few years had to be changed. Many failed attempts of losing weight had not worked and I needed help. So in December of 2009 I started with a single phone call to OWLS. I started counseling in February of 2010 with a therapist, a nutritional therapist, and a physical therapist. I spent 6 months learning about food, my relationship with it, how to add more activity in my life, about my body and why it was helping me hold on to all this weight. I had over the years of poor choices damaged my metabolism and my cholesterol. I was starting to have some high blood pressure, and my feet and back hurt all the time.  With the help and support of family, Dr’s & therapists I made the decision to have gastric bypass surgery in August of 2010.

In the meantime life moved forward. We made a tough decision to close our business and move out of our warehouse in June 2010. This was one of those life changing decisions and one that impacted my health emotionally and physically more than I had anticipated. During the move from our warehouse I ended up severely rupturing a disc in my back and in early July had back surgery. I had lots of time to ponder and think about all that was going on in life and what the future would hold as I lay in bed. For the next few weeks and months I had a blessed opportunity to focus only on my health and healing. I spent early August hanging out with my family and sisters on the beach in Oregon. I had lost about 15 lbs by this time and was still working toward the goal of gastric bypass surgery…although it was for now on hold due to the back surgery. August 2010 on the beach 261 lbs…

September 2010 brought the news that insurance and my weight loss Dr. Emma Patterson felt I was healed enough from my back surgery that I could proceed with my gastric bypass surgery and it was scheduled for October 1st. I was excited, scared and overwhelmed. I remember just laying in bed crying the night before. I was angry I had let things get to this point, I was nervous and scared, I had just been through a surgery and I knew it was going to be hard. But I was also ready, I had been preparing for this day for a several months. I had great family support and it was time.

So on October 1st we drove to Portland OR and I checked into the hospital weighing 243 lbs, I had done well on my pre-diet and felt I was making good decisions and succeeding at my life time battles with food. I was ready to start my journey, and I proceeded with gastric bypass surgery. I would do it again tomorrow. It was one of the best decisions I have made to allow myself to heal physically and emotionally. This is not an easy choice, although it does have quick outward results the journey still happens with 1 bite of food, 1 step at a time and pound by pound. Only I can control the lasting results of the tool I have been given to control my relationship with food. October 15th 2010 232 lbs.

Although there are lots of little goals along the way that I met…like weighing less than my husband, reaching 199 on December 31st, fitting into those jeans I had been holding on to and so many other milestones, today I reached a BIG one….

100 lbs GONE!

I still would like to lose about 20 more lbs to reach my final goal weight, to have a healthy BMI and to tone and work on making sure that I am healthy. I am enJOYing time in the pool at water aerobics, and  the treadmill, but still have some of that darn back injury playing a role sometimes that prevents all the activity I would like to do. Each day I see the journey happening to finding and keeping JOY in my life, reaching for new dreams and letting go of others. I have some incredible friends that have helped me with restoring my soul. I highly recommend for any woman out there to join Melody & Kathy in their online class Soul Restoration. It will change you!

My hope that as I share my journey that I can help someone else that is feeling alone, lost, broken and without hope. We can’t always do this journey alone, we are meant to have help, to find those that bring out the best in us and help us on our path. Another huge part of my journey was healing mentally and while therapists helped with that…my art also was an incredible tool to finding peace and moving forward. I still have so much to share, and I have to do it on my time schedule, but more is coming soon!

I am blessed with an incredible family. A husband that loves me no matter what and has been by my side through thick and thin! Fabulous kids and it is so much fun sharing some clothes with Kenzi!